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4/10/14 11:19 pm

I moved! and I can actually breathe when I wake up in the morning. no damp and no mold! I was going to be the bigger person and not burn bridges and clean the old house before leaving, but fuck that, have fun cleaning out the food left in the fridge and all the mess we left, you slumlord fuck! I hope he fuckin' falls through that rotting floor.

no more negativity, here's my little happy corner.

2/23/14 07:01 pm

new things i picked up in knoxville:



2/23/14 06:49 pm

Today, February 23rd, in the 2014th year of our alien lord, I looked into a full body mirror in my underwear and said "DAMN!"

2/18/14 02:22 pm

Ugh so the person I've been friends with for 7 years and can work together to help poor/homeless folks around here also happens to be irrationally jealous. She's probably throwing a shitfit because I accepted a friend request on facebook from her step-daughters mother, who was my roommate once and we've had our fights but is now older and making a effort to be part of the kids life. Anyway, she 'liked' the update and has not talked to me since. I know she's hurt, but it's none of her business and I have never done anything backstabby to her. Since when is accepting a friend request the same thing as us being best buds? Which is STILL none of her business. When I was 7 years old I would have been so pleased to find out my biological father wanted to be part of my life, which he have has and never will. At first I was afraid her coming back and leaving would be bad for the kid, but it's been months now and she's still here and that has to count for something.

2/17/14 03:04 pm

Okay time for some better news. We have enough money to go new place hunting, my best bud is moving back from Perth, it's supposed to be warmish this week, and in a few days me and Carmen are going to Knoxville then Hazard. So many hangouts with so many good folks. ( ´ ▽ ` ) ( ´ ▽ ` ) ( ´ ▽ ` )

2/1/14 09:00 pm

I see it's been exactly one month since I've updated and I have been a ball of stress and just really scary feelings. My landlord is pissing me the fuck off for being too fucking sorry to get the clusterfuck that is the water pipes fixed, I haven't had water for almost 4 weeks, and rent was due yesterday and I'm not paying a dime until he gets this fixed, and when he does I'm taking off the amount we've spent on jugs of water. REGARDLESS we're moving once I get my tax money back. I am done with this place. I've been wanting to move for years, You can't close any of the doors, it's so cold in the winter things will freeze if left out on the counter, and so hot in the summer you feel like vomiting. the leaks are so bad that the ceiling lights don't work, the bathroom floor is rotten and a list of other awful things........Doug would accuse me of being "materialistic" because I wanted a nicer place, because if it was up to him he'd be okay with living in his own filth until I clean up after him. The downsides of falling in love with a straight punk dude...but this time HE'S FINALLY ON BOARD WITH GETTING OUT OF HERE! I don't ever leave the house except for work and doing things that need to get done and when I'm not doing that I go between trying to calm myself and packing up things.

In addition to all of this, we're having car troubles, One of the cats escaped, one of the other cats has a sore behind her ear(she had something like this before but it went away, but she keeps scratching at it) and I cry because I don't have money for a vet right now. I feel so guilty about buying groceries or eating fast food(because cooking with no running water is really time consuming) when I can't even take her to the vet right now. I feel like a horrible animal abuser or something. Had a killer stomach virus that made me call into work and miss 8 hours of pay I really needed. THEN every few days when I'm packing I'll come upon a letter or card from mammaw and I miss her so much but I'm glad she can't see me struggling like this, it would've only worried her. I find myself craving a cigarette or a drink or something to help me forget for a minute or a few hours, I've lost some weight and it makes my clothes fit in such a strange way that it feel uncomfortable.

On the plus side, my s game has been off the charts, but I haven't really used any protection for the past 3 years and I'm increasingly paranoid about that. I can't enjoy anything it seems! Hopefully if it's not too cold I'll be going to Asheville, then Knoxville then Kentucky with Carmen(who has been such a blessing in my life) for a few days at the end of the month and ATL/BATON ROUGE?/NOLA in a couple of months(MEGABUSSIN' IT).

1/1/14 03:21 pm - long holiday post: part 2

Christmas morning mom took me home and finally got to meet Doug's mom and sister after 9 years of us being together(since that day was our anniversary!). His mom kept insisting I make a wishlist on amazon to get an idea of what I liked and she bought everything off of it. Most of it was around the 5-10 dollar range but there was a 20 dollar item that she got too. Doug's sister is starting to get into records and we got her a bunch of records to start her out. Got his mom a makeup mirror and a couple of toiletries since she kept saying she didn't want anything. She's super generous and I don't know where we'd be without her support and all the things she does for us, like lets us wash our clothes there sometimes or lets me get a hot shower or pick me up from work at least once a week. AWWWW

1/1/14 02:55 pm - Affordable(?) Care

Beyond livid Doug's mom will not be able to have insurance anymore. She could but would have to pay 400 dollars a month with a deductible of about 5,000 dollars if she went through the affordable care registration. Way to royally fuck over working-poor folks

12/31/13 03:23 pm - long holiday post: part 1

Christmas Eve went amazingly well! The car wasn't going to make it, but mom called me at like 1pm saying she was coming to pick me up. we got to her house around 5:00 and then went to my aunts house to eat and watch my little cousins open gifts. I had a couple of gifts there too. A cute leopard print sleeping dress(you can be damn sure is already part of my 'normal' attire), a 5 liter thing of laundry detergent (which could totally be used as weights), OPI nail polish, random promotional t-shirts my aunt gets from her job and a smallish duffle type bag. Went back home to moms and Jeremy, Sara and Allison were super excited about the paracord bracelet kits I got them that I maybe spent 4 dollars on at wallmart, I got mom some candles from bath and body works that I originally bought for myself months ago but I never used them and she LOVES candles. I'd forgotten the quilting books and fleece cape I made from a blanket, so I guess she'll get them for her birthday next month. Mom, Jeremy, and Allison pitched in and got me a digital camera, because 1. I miss going on long walks and taking pictures, my other camera is messed up and I don't have the money to buy film/developing the film for my Rebel. I felt really bad like all day about my mom having to drive 2 hours to come pick me up and felt like such a loser that we can't even afford a car that can make a trip out of town but all of that went away when I got with my fam at and I forced myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and just fucking enjoy the day.

12/20/13 01:58 pm

It's almost Christmas. What the hell?! This is the time of year that makes up for the rest of the year where I'm blissfully unaware of what a total failure in life I've become. This year I'm feeling it ultra hard since mamaw's death. The car will not make it up to god knows where Virginia Christmas Eve and that's made things even worse. I don't even care about the "what are you doing with your life?" lectures from my extended family, I will sit through hours of that just to be with my mom and siblings. Doug's mom and sister are super chill so I'm spending Christmas day with them and making french toast that morning.

In better news, Yog Sothoth played with Exhumed this week and despite being on another fucking planet with allergies/medication I had a pretty okay time. It was the first time I ever been at a show in JC and didn't know any girls there and I'm always stoked to see more girls coming out to metal shows.
The bad news is they got a pretty passive aggressive note from some lawyers about 'you and your friends' (one person rents it) having 30 days to vacate the practice space due to the 'condition of the building'. They've been renting it for almost 3 years and actually had a couple of shows there too which is pretty great for this town. Hardly anything downtown stays open after 6pm, and I think they were getting complaints for being too loud, since I know the police showed up a couple of times. There's been things in the paper about how homeless folks are making downtown 'look bad' and how kids are leaving tire marks in the parking garage, also making it 'look bad'. I'm sick of all this sprawl, I'm sick of this town trying to be like a big city and Mayberry U.S.A. all at the same time.
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