2/1/14 09:00 pm
I see it's been exactly one month since I've updated and I have been a ball of stress and just really scary feelings. My landlord is pissing me the fuck off for being too fucking sorry to get the clusterfuck that is the water pipes fixed, I haven't had water for almost 4 weeks, and rent was due yesterday and I'm not paying a dime until he gets this fixed, and when he does I'm taking off the amount we've spent on jugs of water. REGARDLESS we're moving once I get my tax money back. I am done with this place. I've been wanting to move for years, You can't close any of the doors, it's so cold in the winter things will freeze if left out on the counter, and so hot in the summer you feel like vomiting. the leaks are so bad that the ceiling lights don't work, the bathroom floor is rotten and a list of other awful things........Doug would accuse me of being "materialistic" because I wanted a nicer place, because if it was up to him he'd be okay with living in his own filth until I clean up after him. The downsides of falling in love with a straight punk dude...but this time HE'S FINALLY ON BOARD WITH GETTING OUT OF HERE! I don't ever leave the house except for work and doing things that need to get done and when I'm not doing that I go between trying to calm myself and packing up things.
In addition to all of this, we're having car troubles, One of the cats escaped, one of the other cats has a sore behind her ear(she had something like this before but it went away, but she keeps scratching at it) and I cry because I don't have money for a vet right now. I feel so guilty about buying groceries or eating fast food(because cooking with no running water is really time consuming) when I can't even take her to the vet right now. I feel like a horrible animal abuser or something. Had a killer stomach virus that made me call into work and miss 8 hours of pay I really needed. THEN every few days when I'm packing I'll come upon a letter or card from mammaw and I miss her so much but I'm glad she can't see me struggling like this, it would've only worried her. I find myself craving a cigarette or a drink or something to help me forget for a minute or a few hours, I've lost some weight and it makes my clothes fit in such a strange way that it feel uncomfortable.
On the plus side, my s game has been off the charts, but I haven't really used any protection for the past 3 years and I'm increasingly paranoid about that. I can't enjoy anything it seems! Hopefully if it's not too cold I'll be going to Asheville, then Knoxville then Kentucky with Carmen(who has been such a blessing in my life) for a few days at the end of the month and ATL/BATON ROUGE?/NOLA in a couple of months(MEGABUSSIN' IT).